A Grey Area

This post will be a Kilmarnock special. Enjoy...

Kilmarnock Part 1
Martin's anecdote about the neds and the milkshake outside MacDonalds reminded me of my own experience, involving more of Kilmarnock's finest...
It was a dull, overcast day and I was passing through Kilmarnock on the Ayr to Glasgow bus. The bus stopped at Kilmarnock bus station, as usual. Looking out of the window to my right I saw what looked to be some commotion. I turned and looked over towards the park across the road, to see what was between 20-40 neds engaged in what appeared to be mortal combat. They had planks, golf clubs - you name it and it was probably being used as a "chib". What was odd about this was that it looked as if they were sparring rather than engaged in serious battle. It was hard to tell from that distance. I was just so surprised at the sheer number of them, and from the safety of a perspex window, several hundred yards away, it was actually quite amusing. Perhaps they were rehearsing for the coming Saturday's night out in Kilmarnock town centre! I can imagine the foreign tourists who have come over to see "Bonny Scotland" and one of the first things they see after getting on the bus at Prestwick Airport are 40 or so neds fighting! Good old Killie!

Amateur Evolution Soccer 5
Played evolution soccer again on Tuesday. Our team had a man down and so we were struggling from the outset. Despite this, we had some good moments and at times seemed to dominate play. Still, an open goal is an open goal (everyone wanted to play outfield), and our non-existent keeper unsurprisingly failed to make a single save from the relentless long-range efforts which were sent his way. We still scored several, and I myself have remained true to my average tally of 1 goal per game - this was my best so far, as it was a solo effort, taking it easily past a defender before placing it into one of the corners of the net. After that initial burst of quality (well, by my standards), my lack of fitness kicked in and the edge was gone. Still, I think it's an improvement stamina-wise from last week. One of the more battle-hardened players, Jim, was the rock in midfield who barked our orders and helped us play as a more cohesive unit.
For me, the best moment was when, in the centre of midfield, I controlled an aerial ball with my head, and I think before it even hit the ground, I hit a lofted through ball which nearly got to the intended recipient. What was especially good was that I knew exactly what I was doing; I controlled the ball, saw the runner in the corner of my eye, then hit it an almost perfectly-weighted pass - although it happened in a split second, I felt like I had plenty time to perform the action.
Still, in general I wasn't great by the standards of most of the others, and spent most of my time trying to dribble it up the wing, before having to retreat and pass back to someone else. To my credit though, I was probably hard to dispossess.
I need to work on my shooting technique, as it's rubbish.

Kilmarnock Part 2
The other night, when I was staying at my pals flat, I was woken by the sound of an argument next door. There seemed to be one woman in particular who had some important point to get across as she was screaming and yelling at the top of her voice. There was also another woman I think, and a man. This infernal noise went on for a while, with both women really having a go at what I presume was the man, whose only notable part in the argument was "F**KING SHUT IT - THERE'S A WEAN SLEEPING NEXT DOOR!!". It was the most fierce argument I've ever heard, and throughout all I could think of was that poor wean, who will probably grow up disturbed, having been brought up in that hellish environment - another ned in the making - it's such a shame really, especially considering this goes on everywhere.

Beginner Evolution Badminton 0
No badminton this week.

Kilmarnock Part 3
As I was leaving my pals flat the other day to go shopping, I was "greeted" by a small boy, holding a tube of glue, and the conversation was as follows:
Boy: "I've got glue - Ah'm gonnae glue the gate shut so ye cannae get oot."
Me: "Go ahead - do it."
Boy: "Naw."
I then went on my way. I didn't feel any resentment to the boy, more pity, as I think he's the son of those people next door who had been arguing. From what I gather he just gets left out the back to entertain himself while his scum parents are probably smoking crack or suchlike. It's a real tragedy, and makes you realise how lucky you were in your upbringing when you see poor children such as the boy with the glue.

A Question of Knowledge
I went to a pub quiz in Ayr on Wednesday - we didn't win, not even close. I hate pub quizzes because my general knowledge is shite and they ask so many awkward questions. If the specialist subject is popular music, computing, films or at a push, TV, I might do ok, but if you ask me what kind of cake is eaten traditionally at Easter I'm all at sea.

Kilmarnock Part 4
The more time I spend in Kilmarnock, the more I am convinced that they rounded up most of the scum in the west of Scotland and put them all in the one place - Kilmarnock (well not all, some went to Ayr).
Okay, that's maybe a bit unfounded and harsh, but all the retail outlets, fast food restaurants and cinemas in the world are not going to save what is possibly the most gloomy, grey, depressing place I've been in. Ayr, all is forgiven (well, not quite).

New Toy
I'd been thinking of getting a digital multitrack recorder for recording some song ideas. I'd seen one advertised in a music shop in Glasgow, reduced by £50, which looked pretty good. By coincidence, the other day I was passing Cash Converters in Ayr and saw the very same one in the window for even cheaper (a further £70), and after enquiring I bought it (total saving £120). Apparently it was practically brand new. The model is a Boss BR-600, digital 8-track, and I look forward to messing around with it. I still haven't tried it yet, so for all I know it may not work. Still, if it does, what a bargain!

Watch Out In Morrison's, Killie Scum...
Upon entering Morrison's in Kilmarnock, you are greeted by what looks like Terry Venables in a policeman's uniform. Upon closer inspection, you realise it's just a cardboard cutout of a policeman who looks like Terry Venables. I looked closer for a logo or something which would suggest it was an advert or government campaign or something but no - just a cardboard cutout of a policeman - who happens to look like Terry Venables.
My point is this: what is it for? Are the police force understaffed? Are the neds really so stupid that they believe that the cut-out is a real policeman? If anyone knows, please write in.

ESE Reunited
I met up with the old comrades from ESE (university), for dinner and drinks in Glasgow, specifically for Derek's birthday. Was good to see everyone. Went to the place that used to be called "Clatty Pat's" on Great Western Road, which was good fun.

Daily Grind
No matter how long I've been in this job, I still find it tough getting up in the morning. Even 8 hours sleep never seems to feel like enough at the moment. At the weekends I've a tendency to hibernate for 10-12 hours a night, as if to compensate.
My daily commute was bad enough with having to get 2 buses each way from Prestwick, but since my move to Kilmarnock, I'm now commuting about 2.5 hours per day! Consequentially, I feel I don't have much time to relax when off. I'm just so sick of public transport at the moment. I haven't been exercising much the past few months, except for the recent once-weekly game of football. I've probably been drinking too much caffeine as well.
I think these factors have been causing me a bit of stress and hence the desire to sleep more. My intention is to move into my own place soon, near to my work (wherever that ends up being), with the intention of cutting down the commute. I think my days in Kilmarnock will soon be numbered. I don't see that as being such a bad thing.

DISCLAIMER: The views of Kilmarnock expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the town itself. This is just personal opinion based on my limited experience and time spent there.