Are You Not Entertained?!

The Shire
If you've (singular, probably - don't think my readership has been holding up lately) been reading this blog recently, you will have noticed my frequent criticism of Ayrshire and rants about how I miss living in the city. You may wonder "well why don't you move back then and stop moaning?" Well, I won't go into the details but I had recently lost my job and was paying £430 a month for luxury accomodation I didn't really need (only my ego desired it). I realised that there was no way I could afford the rent from then on. So, I decided to move back to my parents', in South Ayrshire, for supposedly a short while, until I found another job.
Months passed, and I was still unemployed. Eventually, I saw an advert for a database developer in Ayr, and, being desperate for employment, I applied and luckily, got the job. It was initially a 3 month temporary contract. Eventually, it was extended, and around the end of last year I was encouraged to apply for a permanent position which was coming up. Despite not intending to stay in Ayrshire for any further length of time, I applied anyway just to keep my options open. Around the time of interview, I started applying for other vacancies in Glasgow. Anyway, as it turned out I was offered the permanent position (2 year contract). After weighing up the pros and cons I decided to accept the post. I think it was the right decision and the overall package - salary, the project itself etc is very good. It would in fact be a great opportunity for me in the long term and could lead to better things than if I'd just accepted some graduate job in Glasgow. Admittedly the location isn't ideal for me but after time spent in Kilmarnock / Irvine I realise it could be a damn sight worse. It's not permanent by any means. I almost feel that the position was created with me in mind and if I'd turned it down I'd be betraying the man who possibly saved my career. So I think there's a bit of loyalty to it as well (get the violins out).
As for Ayr itself, I've tried hard to like the place but I know now for a fact I never really will. Despite probably being nicer than the likes of Killie I just know I'll never be satisfied fully until I'm back in Glasgow, such is my attachment to the place. Everything about city life (to me) just seems so much bigger and better and of a higher quality. Living in a rural town after that has been analogous to going cold turkey on heroin (only the cold sweats haven't subsided).
In fairness Ayrshire's hardly bad, and I can appreciate that for families, retired people etc it's a great place to live and the quality of life is good. I'm in no way professing that my personal opinion is hard fact. It's just that I remember when I first left and moved to the city and how much more positive and enthusiastic I felt thereafter. I felt more at home, for the first time. My whole perspective seemed to change for the better. I felt more inspired. That sort of impression never leaves you. Granted there are some real scum and lowlifes there, but you will find that in any town - the proportion of neds / criminals etc to overall population is probably not so different, and in a city, because there is more people, it's easy to focus on a single group and get the impression that there are more proportionally than there actually are. Equally there are plenty diverse and interesting people as well. It's that big mixture, that idea of a city being a cultural melting pot which appeals to me; in a small rural town the natives are much more single-minded but in a city you have such a huge mixture of culture, religion, background etc. You've got much more of a cross-section of society as a whole, and it's far more interesting.
Although it pains me to say this, a good analogy for places like Kilmarnock is that it's like an orange which has had most of the juice squeezed from it. That may sound cruel, and apologies to any Killie lovers but it seems to be a sad fact that most of the better people, prospects etc tend to get sucked towards the cities. Not all, but most. Martin touched on that point previously. Personally I will always feel a strong pull towards where most of the "juice" has ended up - especially because I know it exists and where to find it. City life is not for everyone but I feel much more in my element there. Rant over.



AES10 - Cancelled
Sadly no soccer this week as there weren't enough players. This is the first time since I started playing 10 weeks ago. Personally I needed the break this week, but I hope this isn't the shape of things to come. If it goes on like this I may start getting withdrawal symptoms and I'll have to check into Soccerholics Anonymous for real. The first step is admitting you are an addict...

Power League Renaissance?
It looks, however, that there will be 14 in the squad next week, and so for the first time since I started, it'll be 7-a side. That probably just means that I'll be giving away possession more often than usual.



Moans About Moans About Moans...
Anyway I'll conclude by saying there'll be no more moaning about Ayrshire in this blog; I've committed to working here for a bit longer so will just have to live with my decision and make the most of it. I'm afraid that if there is nothing to moan about then I could well run out of blogging material.
In fact in general I've been moaning a bit too much lately. Surprised? Not if you've been an avid follower of this blog for the past few years. You may have noticed how I always seem to end up moaning about stuff, even after proclaiming (on several occasions) that I'm going to stop. It seems to be a behavioural pattern I haven't yet shook off. Does anyone out there know of a "Pessimistics Anonymous" out there which I could join (the first step is admitting you're a miserable bastard)? All this negativity could well be down to lack of physical fitness as well (I have been doing woefully little exercise and have often felt lethargic and moody these past few months). I feel like a shadow of my former self (actually, more like a shadow of a shadow of a shadow..!).
Anyway the fact is that I've finally secured a decent job, with a better salary than I've ever had. As I've said the location may not be ideal and if it really doesn't work out after several months then there's nothing keeping me here. I'm going to try to make a real go of it as my CV needs something decent on it (at the moment it's littered with call centres and gaps of unemployment). What I need to do at the moment is hold down a job, which should ultimately help me find the direction I want to go in. Ultimately I don't have much to moan about so I'm going to stop, I promise. If I'm to move forward I will need to forget my snobby city aspirations for now and concentrate on the task at hand. I suppose part of me is worried that if I'm down here too long I'll become set in my ways and start to even take a shine to Ayr, and eventually forget I liked city life so much. At the moment I can never ever see that happening, but I can just imagine myself, here in 2 years time, sitting in a coffee shop in Ayr, drinking my Victory Coffee, gazing out at a bus shelter...

"And it was then, when gazing out at the filthy bus shelter with its broken window, that it appeared to suddenly take on a subtley different appearance, one that suggested character and a sort of austere beauty which was hard to put into words. Normally, the junky on the street corner would appear to be just another lowlife soap dodger, but he suddenly felt great empathy with him, a deep understanding of the chain of events which turned the poor man to drugs. He wanted to help him but realised the man was probably quite content to live out his life on the streets of this... colourful town, which was fast becoming the cultural epicentre of the picturesque and tranquil county of South Ayrshire. It was then, that he realised he loved Ayr."

Rant, Role Play, Room...

Faith - The Real WMD?
I watched a documentary called something like Tony Blair:
The Inside Story the other day. From it, I got the impression that Tony Blair really believes invading Iraq was the right thing to do and that he really seems to believe in the "good versus evil" scenario. It was also confirmed to me that he is a staunch church-going Christian. I saw his decision to go to war in a new light, previously assuming he had been under pressure from the Bush administration to stand "shoulder to shoulder" with the USA after 9/11 and that he was indeed Bush's "poodle". Now, I think maybe Blair genuinely thought of Saddam as the evil spawn of Satan and that by helping invade Iraq, he would be enforcing the Right Hand of God and doing His Work etc etc. I got the impression that no matter who tried to persuade him it was wrong to go to war, he would not be turned and would always believe it was the right decision, that any problems would be overcome with God on his side.
My point is, people, particularly the media, go on about Islamic extremists and how bad they are, but what I think we should be more concerned about are Christian extremists like Bush and Blair, who believe that, despite the thousands, maybe millions of innocent people who suffer and die for their cause, theirs is the path to Righteousness and they will not be flinched. Forget the Islamic extremists with their home-made bombs, rocks and pen knives, I'm more worried about those big bad Christian extremists with all the Weapons of Mass Destruction you could possibly dream of and more, who will not hesitate to use them in the name of God.
I've said before I'm not anti-religion, and respect those who practice their faith in a peacful, humble way (which was surely what Jesus, Mohammed et al intended anyway?) , but inevitably over thousands of years, teachings become twisted and lose all or most of their original meaning ,and inevitably there are people who make a mountain out a molehill and go to extremes with their beliefs, for example taking it to the extent of excluding those of a different faith and in the worse case, going to war. I think when it gets to that stage these people are like a walking contradiction (whatever happened to "turn the other cheek"?).
You might say "well they've got God and nukes on their side, but they're on our side, so why worry?" - but what happens when another country is invaded? What would be the backlash then? Well unless all the "Axis of Evil" is wiped out at once (which is highly unlikely) I think there'll be a lot more angry terrorists out there. Al Quaeda's HR department will have a field day - the backlog of application forms will go on forever. In short, by attempting to make the world a more safer place, our extremist leaders will end up jeopardising the safety of everyone.
Extremism breeds extremism. God help us.
BTW check this out: http://www.bushorchimp.com - funniest thing I've seen in a while!

AES9 - Role Playing (Aye Right)
I decided on a new approach to the football this week - sticking to a role. Normally I'm running around like a headless chicken, chasing the ball, one minute a striker, the next a midfielder, the next a defender. I'm trying to be Rooney, Zidane and Maldini all in one game, and it sure ain't happening, as all I'm really doing is tiring myself out too quickly.
My plan was to stick to a sort of defensive midfield role, covering the area just in front of goal. In fact I just ended up running around like a headless chicken as usual. I had a bad cold coming on so probably shouldn't have played at all.
Anyway, to summarise, I had a terrible game, the only decent moments being a single goal and a couple of times when I created some space for myself and had a pop on goal.

Halls of Residence
It looks like I'll be moving into accomodation in the grounds of the hospital where I work. There they have basic flats available for NHS staff. I had a look around, but finding a room for rent in Ayr is an experience akin to searching for water in the desert. It's depressing, especially given the thousands of rooms seemingly available in Glasgow at any one time. The accomodation is basic, but it is very cheap and the thought of having virtually no commute is very appealling. The place isn't bad - it's like a student halls but for full time workers. No more buses and no more Kilmarnock - that'll do me for now.

Rita, Sue, Kilmarnock & Irvine Too

Kilmarnock vs Ayr
After having lived in Killie it's made me see Ayr in a different light. In fact, by comparison, Ayr looks like Barcelona! To be fair, there are one or two nice areas (few/far between) in Killie, but I find it's far too heavy on the retail aspect, which totally dominates the place. I can't really find any redeeming features, the closest being the buses which take you away from the place.

AES8
In short, I was rubbish. This week, my back muscles were feeling a bit fragile from last week's game. All through the game, I was relatively static to previous weeks. I think it's just my general lack of fitness and muscular strength which is the problem. Maybe I wasn't that bad and had a few good moments but personally I think I was the worst player on the pitch. That's not to say I should be any good, as all or most of the others I'm sure have been playing almost constantly since they were nippers. Prior to 2 months ago, I had barely played at all (probably about 4-5 times in my entire life - I wasn't into sports at school, probably put off by asthma). Unfortunately watching games on TV and playing PES don't help your fitness, even if they do educate you on how to play to an extent. Playing once a week with barely any other vigorous exercise is probably not a good idea either.
I won't let that put me off though, as I know if I work on my fitness / strength I could be a much better player. Wearing glasses during the game doesn't help, not just aerodynamically but I'm also a bit more cagey in case I get a ball full on in the face. I'll need to get contact lenses in future.
I still enjoyed it though, with a couple of decent dribbles up front, some near-miss shots and my obligatory goal (I latched onto a through ball and toe-poked it into the bottom corner), but overall I was struggling to keep up with the rest. To my credit I had a decent spell in goal and without my defensive efforts outfield, I noticed the opposition seemed to cut through our defences like butter. It didn't help that we were 5 vs 6 though!
In summary if you'd played a cardboard cut-out in my place, nobody would have noticed.

BEB3
I played badminton, against Martin, at the Magnum in Irvine. I lost 7-1 in sets, but I'm sure this was down to the aforementioned back/leg muscles which were still a bit fragile. I just wasn't moving all that well at all. Still, that's not to take anything away from Martin, who played very well. Congratulations, but I'll be back.

"Come On Killie"
Despite my derogarory view on Kilmarnock, what has impressed me has been the number of banners in shops, flags fixed to car roofs etc which say "Come On Killie" and suchlike, in support of their football team in the CIS cup. It's nice to see such support and backing of their local team by the local populace, rather than the usual sight of Irish/Union flags associate with the Old Firm. It would bring a tear to a glass eye - Come on, Killie.

Danger - Berghaus
After the badminton on Thursday, I was walking up to the platform at Irvine train station. I caught a quick glimpse of one of those coloured jackets common to many neds, particularly the Ayrshire species - Berghaus, I think (do they come out the womb with those jackets on or what?). I immediately decided not to go any further, sensing danger (I stopped before the glass shelter bit, between me and the neds). A couple were leaving the platform and the guy said, "watch those two, by the way" and the girl said "be careful". Whilst I was waiting for the train, I heard the neds' banter, and (surprise, surprise) they were drunk. Their banter was quite aggressive, as you'd expect from such species, so I decided to stay still, and not glance over, so as not to draw attention to myself.
After a couple of minutes, I heard "haw!", then followed again by "HAW!". I looked to my right and saw one of them lumbering toward me, fag in hand. I thought to myself: "here we go...". Anyway, this guy looked rough as they come, with a face like he'd been beaten up 1,000 times and a swagger which suggested he was one hard, badass mofo. I thought he was going say something, or attack me, but I just looked at him, without showing fear, and said "awright pal" (note the patronising "w"). He stopped for a second, turned around and went back along the platform, without another word. I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked back over and he seemed to be gesturing to his friend as if to say: ""this c**t's a pure wido - moan, let's dae um." or something, but luckily, they ended up arguing with each other, and by that point the train had arrived. I boarded it more enthusiatically than I've ever boarded a train before, I tell you!

Anyway, the point of this story is that isn't it interesting how the behavioural patterns, insignia, decorations etc that a creature exhibits are similar throughout nature? For example, the poison dart frog of Central and South America, which has prominent skin pigment to suggest its venomous properties and distract potential predators. In a similar way, certain people, e.g. the Maori of New Zealand and particularly neds, either tattoo their skin or wear certain items of clothing which seems to suggest "don't mess with me - I'm hard". Put it this way, if I was to be walking down a street, and see a bunch of young guys wearing caps and tracksuits, swaggering along, kicking cans/bottles, and speaking in a broad nasal twang, I would contemplate crossing the street, just i case. However, if they had long hair and were riding skateboards or bikes and wore ripped jeans and leathers/black t-shirts, I would know they were harmless, most likely the children of middle to upper-middle class parents. Same if I saw goths, I would think they're harmless but conversely if I was a ned I'd probably be worried as it's well known that goths hate neds. However, this is unlikely to happen because if I was a ned walking down the street, chances are I'd be a in a gang with plenty mates to back me up (pack mentality).

Certain emblems on a neds "skin" seem to suggest danger, e.g. the colours of Berghaus, Burberry, even the colours of the Old Firm (which I'm sure many use as battle colours). Such things as drinking Buckfast or MD 20/20 also suggest hardness. A cap tilted at a ridiculous angle is also probably a giveaway sign (the bigger the angle, the tougher the ned?). "Sovvies", another.
So back to the story, I think that if I'd not seen the red and yellow Berghaus colours early, I could have walked further up the platform and ended up with a very sore face. But why did the ned stop in his tracks when I spoke to him? Well, at that point in time, the platform was their territory. They would have been fired up, probably very anxious and in ultra-defensive mode, made worse by the drink (and possibly drugs). Any foreigner entering this territory would have to be checked out in case he or she is a threat (hence the "haw", a call to attention). What the ned was doing was sizing me up, subconsciously checking my body language, anything I was carrying etc. When he saw I was wearing work trousers and carrying a big bag, it would be clear I was obviously waiting for a train and did not want to intrude upon his habitat. My glasses would suggest a sensible, mature person, and by turning towards him, not raising my hands and even greeting him, this confirmed I was no threat and there was no need for further checking. If I'd been wearing jeans and a t-shirt, or even drinking from a bottle, I could've been in trouble.

Opportunity Knocks
I was offered a permanent position at NHS - this will be my first ever permanent job! Long term I don't want to stay in Ayr, but increased salary, good annual leave, challenging project and virtual guarantee of a regular game of football are enough to keep me down in Ayrshire for a little while longer. My first objective, before anything else: get away from Kilmarnock.

Grey Skies Over Kilmarnock

East Ayrshire Economics
I've spent more "quality" time in Kilmarnock recently and my suspicions about the place have more or less been confirmed. I don't know much about the towns history but a think I can hazard a guess...

Kilmarnock was once a quiet, unsuspecting town in North Ayrshire in which there was probably a decent sense of community. From the eighties onwards, probably due to its central location, within easy reach of most surrounding towns and villages, large corporations and chains decided to open many stores there. There was probably a lot of farmland which could be bulldozed to make way for the likes of McDonalds (or "Maccy-Dee's" as it's called locally) to set up camp. Over several years, numerous retail parks sprung up, as if out of nowhere. Thousands of large pylons were put in place in the surrounding area to ensure there was enough power to supply these retail parks. Unfortunately, due to the large corporations taking over, many local shops which had once been fundamental to the community were forced to close, leaving behind derelict buildings, empty shells.
Clearly all these retail outlets needed plenty staff and so it was important to keep a satisfied local population. Henceforth, a lot of pubs and a football team were established, to distract the locals and plenty alcohol was provided to numb the pain of living in such a place. As the majority of shoppers would come from outside of town, it was ensured that a sizeable road network was put in place and many petrol garages were built to ensure the happy shoppers had plenty fuel. Thus, the Kilmarnock that we know today was established.

In summary I think Kilmarnock is what you'd call a functional town, serving the almost sole purpose of being a site for some of the largest corporations in the world to ply their trade. This weekend, I decided to explore the town centre, and during this expedition I was looking out for a coffee shop to go to. I couldn't find a single one (heck, even Ayr has Beanscene, Costa, Caffe Nero etc). I ended up going to the cafe in the Morrison's across the road from the flat (which was ok, but that's beside the point). It dawned on me that perhaps the reason why there are no such venues where you can go to chill out and relax is because the intention is that people come in by car, do their shopping then leave. If there is no stopping off points per se, then this will increase overall throughput and hence profit. It's a theory, but who knows for sure?
Despite all this, the people seem quite friendly - I admire them, to put on such a brave face despite living there. Am I being harsh on the place? Maybe; perhaps I'm a bit of a snob, looking down at such a place, but my overall impression is that Kilmarnock has sacrificed culture for commerce, and it's not just happening here, but across the board.

Personal Best
...equals 19.5 weeks and counting. I'm talking of course about the length of time I've been in this job. I've now broken my previous record for continuous time in employment. 19.5 weeks isn't very good for someone of my age, but personally it's an achievement.

AES7
This week at the Power League I didn't play particularly well, compared to the rest. There were one or two good passes, and some reasonable first touches, but otherwise uneventful for me. I just didn't feel particularly energetic on the night. The personal highlight was when I dispossessed someone in midfield then advanced on goal, hitting a reasonable shot from quite far out, and it was just inches above the crossbar. That got some "oohs" from some of my teammates but overall I wasn't very good. I know it's a lot down to stamina. I tend to have a really good first 5 minutes or so, when I do some good passes, skills etc, but after that, I get quickly tired - I think so long as your overall fitness is decent then you can do so much more throughout the game, otherwise you spend most of the time chasing the ball and tiring yourself out more. I've a long way to go fitness-wise.

BEB3 - POSTPONED!
Flipping rail strikes meant I didn't make it to Irvine in time for my Evolution Badminton session!! Hopefully next week I'll be able to pick up the evolution where it left off.

More of the Same...

After last weeks Kilmarnock-themed bonanza, you might find this post a bit of a disappointment...

Free Transfer
The day after my derogatory rant about Kilmarnock, guess what - I get transferred there to work! I'd been based in Ayr but now I'm at Crosshouse hospital. This works out pretty convenient as I'm currently living nearby. Where before my commute consisted of a 2-stage bus journey, now I can make a single 5-minute trip. What's more I can even walk it, and so take the healthy option. I tell you, already it makes a big difference - my evenings feel much longer and I feel much more relaxed.
I'm thinking now that I may even prefer Kilmarnock to Ayr, but to say I like the place would be putting it a bit strongly.

Dogwitch
When arriving home one day, I was confronted with the neighbours dog, barking frantically. I was a bit cautious but it let me pass by at the top of the stairs. At that point the door opened, and I was confronted by what looked like the silhouette of a witch (minus the pointy hat). It was the neighbour, yelling at the dog to get back in. My initial thoughts were "total scum" but after, I felt sympathy for the woman. She looked as if she had been ravaged by years of crack abuse and Asda Smartprice food. I bet the woman was only in her thirties but looked much older. I felt sorry because these people have probably suffered through years of neglect when they were young, and all sorts of hardships in their lives - they ultimately get caught in the poverty trap with little or no prospects - no wonder they turn to drugs. Then, their kids will likely go through the same impoverished upbringing and the cycle continues.
So next time you think "scum", spare a thought for what some of these people have been through.

AES 6
Note the abbreviated title, which stands for Amateur Evolution Soccer 6. Abbreviated because typing "Amateur Evolution Soccer" (there, I did it again) every week takes up a lot of my valuable time. Anyway, this was the 6th week running at the Power League, and everyone seemed to have upped their game. I scored 3 goals (I think), with one disallowed (a poacher's goal even if I say so myself), because I was just within the keeper's "D" area. My goals were not great but that's my biggest tally so far. My passing also seems to be improving, and I even managed a couple of one-twos which almost amounted to goals. I think my first touch is consistently good but there are many other areas I need to improve upon. We lost, I think, because most of the better players were in the other team. Still, nothing like a challenge and personally I consider it an achievement in itself when, after only 6 weeks, I can (almost) compete amongst guys who have played at amateur level and have several years experience in the field (quite literally).

BEB 2 (Beginner Evolution Badminton)
I played badminton (doubles) earlier in the week. I'm afraid I'm not going to go into so much detail here as I do with the football as there's only so much you can say about running around, hitting a feathery thing with a racket. Still, it was a heck of a lot of fun not to mention great exercise.