Rita, Sue, Kilmarnock & Irvine Too

Kilmarnock vs Ayr
After having lived in Killie it's made me see Ayr in a different light. In fact, by comparison, Ayr looks like Barcelona! To be fair, there are one or two nice areas (few/far between) in Killie, but I find it's far too heavy on the retail aspect, which totally dominates the place. I can't really find any redeeming features, the closest being the buses which take you away from the place.

AES8
In short, I was rubbish. This week, my back muscles were feeling a bit fragile from last week's game. All through the game, I was relatively static to previous weeks. I think it's just my general lack of fitness and muscular strength which is the problem. Maybe I wasn't that bad and had a few good moments but personally I think I was the worst player on the pitch. That's not to say I should be any good, as all or most of the others I'm sure have been playing almost constantly since they were nippers. Prior to 2 months ago, I had barely played at all (probably about 4-5 times in my entire life - I wasn't into sports at school, probably put off by asthma). Unfortunately watching games on TV and playing PES don't help your fitness, even if they do educate you on how to play to an extent. Playing once a week with barely any other vigorous exercise is probably not a good idea either.
I won't let that put me off though, as I know if I work on my fitness / strength I could be a much better player. Wearing glasses during the game doesn't help, not just aerodynamically but I'm also a bit more cagey in case I get a ball full on in the face. I'll need to get contact lenses in future.
I still enjoyed it though, with a couple of decent dribbles up front, some near-miss shots and my obligatory goal (I latched onto a through ball and toe-poked it into the bottom corner), but overall I was struggling to keep up with the rest. To my credit I had a decent spell in goal and without my defensive efforts outfield, I noticed the opposition seemed to cut through our defences like butter. It didn't help that we were 5 vs 6 though!
In summary if you'd played a cardboard cut-out in my place, nobody would have noticed.

BEB3
I played badminton, against Martin, at the Magnum in Irvine. I lost 7-1 in sets, but I'm sure this was down to the aforementioned back/leg muscles which were still a bit fragile. I just wasn't moving all that well at all. Still, that's not to take anything away from Martin, who played very well. Congratulations, but I'll be back.

"Come On Killie"
Despite my derogarory view on Kilmarnock, what has impressed me has been the number of banners in shops, flags fixed to car roofs etc which say "Come On Killie" and suchlike, in support of their football team in the CIS cup. It's nice to see such support and backing of their local team by the local populace, rather than the usual sight of Irish/Union flags associate with the Old Firm. It would bring a tear to a glass eye - Come on, Killie.

Danger - Berghaus
After the badminton on Thursday, I was walking up to the platform at Irvine train station. I caught a quick glimpse of one of those coloured jackets common to many neds, particularly the Ayrshire species - Berghaus, I think (do they come out the womb with those jackets on or what?). I immediately decided not to go any further, sensing danger (I stopped before the glass shelter bit, between me and the neds). A couple were leaving the platform and the guy said, "watch those two, by the way" and the girl said "be careful". Whilst I was waiting for the train, I heard the neds' banter, and (surprise, surprise) they were drunk. Their banter was quite aggressive, as you'd expect from such species, so I decided to stay still, and not glance over, so as not to draw attention to myself.
After a couple of minutes, I heard "haw!", then followed again by "HAW!". I looked to my right and saw one of them lumbering toward me, fag in hand. I thought to myself: "here we go...". Anyway, this guy looked rough as they come, with a face like he'd been beaten up 1,000 times and a swagger which suggested he was one hard, badass mofo. I thought he was going say something, or attack me, but I just looked at him, without showing fear, and said "awright pal" (note the patronising "w"). He stopped for a second, turned around and went back along the platform, without another word. I breathed a sigh of relief. I looked back over and he seemed to be gesturing to his friend as if to say: ""this c**t's a pure wido - moan, let's dae um." or something, but luckily, they ended up arguing with each other, and by that point the train had arrived. I boarded it more enthusiatically than I've ever boarded a train before, I tell you!

Anyway, the point of this story is that isn't it interesting how the behavioural patterns, insignia, decorations etc that a creature exhibits are similar throughout nature? For example, the poison dart frog of Central and South America, which has prominent skin pigment to suggest its venomous properties and distract potential predators. In a similar way, certain people, e.g. the Maori of New Zealand and particularly neds, either tattoo their skin or wear certain items of clothing which seems to suggest "don't mess with me - I'm hard". Put it this way, if I was to be walking down a street, and see a bunch of young guys wearing caps and tracksuits, swaggering along, kicking cans/bottles, and speaking in a broad nasal twang, I would contemplate crossing the street, just i case. However, if they had long hair and were riding skateboards or bikes and wore ripped jeans and leathers/black t-shirts, I would know they were harmless, most likely the children of middle to upper-middle class parents. Same if I saw goths, I would think they're harmless but conversely if I was a ned I'd probably be worried as it's well known that goths hate neds. However, this is unlikely to happen because if I was a ned walking down the street, chances are I'd be a in a gang with plenty mates to back me up (pack mentality).

Certain emblems on a neds "skin" seem to suggest danger, e.g. the colours of Berghaus, Burberry, even the colours of the Old Firm (which I'm sure many use as battle colours). Such things as drinking Buckfast or MD 20/20 also suggest hardness. A cap tilted at a ridiculous angle is also probably a giveaway sign (the bigger the angle, the tougher the ned?). "Sovvies", another.
So back to the story, I think that if I'd not seen the red and yellow Berghaus colours early, I could have walked further up the platform and ended up with a very sore face. But why did the ned stop in his tracks when I spoke to him? Well, at that point in time, the platform was their territory. They would have been fired up, probably very anxious and in ultra-defensive mode, made worse by the drink (and possibly drugs). Any foreigner entering this territory would have to be checked out in case he or she is a threat (hence the "haw", a call to attention). What the ned was doing was sizing me up, subconsciously checking my body language, anything I was carrying etc. When he saw I was wearing work trousers and carrying a big bag, it would be clear I was obviously waiting for a train and did not want to intrude upon his habitat. My glasses would suggest a sensible, mature person, and by turning towards him, not raising my hands and even greeting him, this confirmed I was no threat and there was no need for further checking. If I'd been wearing jeans and a t-shirt, or even drinking from a bottle, I could've been in trouble.

Opportunity Knocks
I was offered a permanent position at NHS - this will be my first ever permanent job! Long term I don't want to stay in Ayr, but increased salary, good annual leave, challenging project and virtual guarantee of a regular game of football are enough to keep me down in Ayrshire for a little while longer. My first objective, before anything else: get away from Kilmarnock.